Are you going back to work soon or have recently gone back to work after your maternity leave?
Some mums find themselves dreading it. Some look forward to getting their brain back in action and being able to take a coffee or lunch in peace. Most are a combination of both with a bit of self-doubt thrown in… Can I still do my job? (Yes, you can) Will I be able to manage? (Yes, you will).
It can be a challenging time but by actively managing that transition back to work and being clear about your priorities – at work and at home – you can set yourself up to succeed in this new phase, whether it’s your first or subsequent baby.
Many women that I work with struggle to reconcile the ambitious, driven, hard-working person they were before baby with the new still hard-working and committed person that they are now but with different priorities. They find it hard to figure out how they can still get the job done and wonder if their colleagues and boss are wondering the same.
But you know what? it’s about owning this transition. It’s about setting clear objectives, having real conversations at work and at home and working smarter, not harder.
At work some of these things will be important to consider…
Expectations It’s important to communicate clearly about your expectations and understand the expectations of you. Many women feel that there is a perception that they are less committed to the job now that they have children. Don’t let it be the elephant in the room. If you are still driving your career forward, make sure that your manager and colleagues know that. And if you would prefer performance objectives that are not as big of a stretch for maybe six months, talk about that too.
Look for interesting opportunities. Being a mum doesn’t have to mean playing it safe and restricting opportunities. Make it known that you are interested in new projects. What are the emerging trends impacting your business? There is no better way to be seen than by getting involved with projects that matter to the Leadership Team. Having to leave the office on time every day, does not mean having to play it safe. Bring your best self and all of yourself while you are at work.
Raise your profile. Know that it is not enough to put your head down and get the job done any more. Don’t wait to get the recognition and reward that you feel you deserve, based on someone else noticing the work you are doing. It is up to you to own and raise your profile, talk to the decision-makers and influencers and make sure that people know about your successes and the value you are delivering.
Set and manage the boundaries. Managing the transition may mean changing the way you work and it’s up to you to manage those conversations. It will mean being assertive and clear about re-organising meetings. If someone organises a meeting at 5pm that you can’t make, request a different time. Soon they will get used to your hours and (hopefully) will stop requesting late meetings. It’s about performance and not about the hours that you work. Hold your head high as you set new boundaries that work for you and the business.
Out of hours work – choose your mindset. This is a contentious one. Of the many women I work with, opinions are divided. Some resent and resist having to log on and check emails in the evenings. Others recognise that logging on and catching up in the evening makes leaving the office at 5pm workable. Many say that they feel less stressed and more in control by spending some time at night ‘getting ahead’ for the next day. It’s about making your choices and accepting the impact. If you work in an industry where 9 to 5 is not the norm, figure out what is going to work best for you. And own it. Remember it’s not just working mums who are looking for flexible working arrangements. Millenials are pushing hard on this agenda too. And often, they don’t mind working over the weekend if it means working the hours that work from them during the week.
Have the crucial conversations. A crucial conversation is one that is typically avoided as it can be emotional and the stakes are high. Find the courage to have that conversation whatever it is. Prepare by bringing facts, options, solutions, a win-win scenario and an understanding of the other person’s viewpoint. The win has to be there for you and work for your manager and the business too.
And at home…
What is going to help your life run more smoothly at home so that you don’t feel rushed, chaotic and overwhelmed? Many women that I work with find themselves trying to do it all and in a way feel that they have to prove to themselves and other that they can do it all so…
Delegate. Share the responsibilities between you and your partner. If it doesn’t seem balanced, that’s a conversation that needs to happen to make sure that the jobs and life admin are shared. You don’t need to be Superwoman or prove to the world and yourself that you can ‘everything’.
Prioritise. What is really important and even critical to you? What can you let go of? Know that good is good enough. What is tidy enough? What can be less than perfect? What can wait until next week?
Outsource. What can you get someone else to do? If it is an option, invest in a cleaner, even for a couple of hours per week. When you are at home at the weekend, think about how you want to spend your time and how much time is spent on errands and cleaning. It’s not an option for everyone but if it is an option for you – don’t put it off. Another thing to outsource is shopping. If you don’t do this already, it takes a bit of time to set up – but when you are up and running it will save you a couple of hours, a bit of stress and maybe even avoid arguments. What else can you get someone else to do?
And yes at home, be organised. Be prepared as much as possible. For some this comes naturally and for others it is a real challenge but laying out clothes the night before, menu planning for the week ahead, preparing lunches and bags the night before, getting the morning routine up and running (based on shared responsibilities) is all going to help ease that the reality of being a working mum. Lists, plans, and reminders will all become your best friends.
Most importantly, look after yourself. Be kind to yourself. If you don’t look after yourself, you can’t look after anyone else – kids, husband, house, your job. Know the two or three things that will help you re-charge. For mums working during the week, we often feel bad or just don’t have time to take time out at the weekend but it’s important not to relegate yourself to the bottom of the priority list.
While you are being kind to yourself, let go of the guilt. It may be part of being a working mum but as long as you are happy with your childcare and trust that you child is well cared for, try to focus on the decisions you have made and why you made them. Excessive guilt takes energy that we just don’t have. A little guilt means you love your child and it’s normal so try to accept it.
And finally, know that this is a phase. It is a hard phase but it will pass. Own it. Own your choices.
Taking the time to stop, reflect re-focus and re-energise will help you set yourself up to succeed.
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